A panda walked into a cafe. He ordered a sandwich, ate it, then pulled out a gun and shot the waiter.
'Why?' groaned the injured man. The panda shrugged, tossed him a badly punctuated wildlife manual and walked out. And sure enough, when the waiter consulted the book, he found an explanation.
'Panda,' ran the entry for his assailant. 'Large black and white mammal native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
http://www.ukstudentlife.com/English/Reading/Poetry.htm
There is a young man from Japan
Who writes limericks which never do scan
As for his rhymes, well I'm sorry
But they make me feel poorly
And in the last line he just puts in as many words as he possibly can
>There once was a man from Japan,
>Whose limericks never did scan.
> When asked why it was,
> He said, "It's because
>I always try to fit as many words in the last line as I possibly can."
There was a young lady of Niger, （ナイガー？）
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride
with the lady inside
and the smile on the face of the tiger.
(Title) Bush appears stupid, but he really isn't ...
You've seen the movie "Rainman" starring Dustin Hoffman, right?
Rainman appears stupid, but he actually is a math genius.
Bush is just like Rainman ... without the math skills.
http://www.laughlab.co.uk/winner.html
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up.
'Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.'
Watson says, 'I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.'
"Holmes replied: 'Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!' "
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
There once was a man named George Dub,
Who debated and mis'rably flubbed.
He was beat fair and square,
But false claims were soon aired
By those sore-loser, cry-babe Repubs.
Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky
We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
> こんにちは。私は英会話教室に通っています。先日、レッスンで Limerick 五行戯詩についてやりました。「lets make Limerickｓ about your teacher
s」というテーマで homework を出されたのですが、日本でいう川柳みたいなものですか？まったく意味が解らず困惑しています。
‖○リメリック（limerick）とは？
‖『a humorous verse form of 5 anapestic lines with a rhyme scheme
‖aabba』(Free Dictionary.com http://www.thefreedictionary.com/より）
‖☆五行でわかる日本文学 英日狂演滑稽五行詩(リメリック)より
‖ http://www.amazlet.com/browse/ASIN/4327385093/beraberaengli-22
‖
‖ Mishima Yukio 三島由紀夫
‖
‖ A monk set a temple alight
‖ And gave a young geisha a fright
‖ "The Golden Pavilion's
‖ Insured for a million"
‖ Cried the self-obsessed, mad acolyte
‖
‖ 坊主が火を点けお寺が炎上
‖ これはたまげた 芸者のお嬢
‖ 「金閣寺なら心配無用
‖ 火災保険がばっちり適用」
‖ この学僧さん やっぱり異常
He is the great Japanese challenger
Who took on the pugnacious Salinger
To him we're be'Holden
For a translation that's golden
And a Caulfield who's raunchy and mad at ya!
He is the great Japanese challenger
Who took on the pugnacious Salinger
To him we're be'Holden
For a translation that's golden
And a Caulfield who's raunchy and mad at ya!
"Untranslatable" meant nothing to a man
Who brought Finnegans Wake to Japan.
Yanase toiled for years
To reJoyce the mind and ears.
A feat that delighted [tout le monde] !
"Untranslatable" meant nothing to a man
Who brought Finnegans Wake to Japan.
Yanase Japanized proper
James's jumbled jabber
To reJoyce the delighted [tout le monde] !
He is the great Japanese challenger
Who took on the pugnacious Salinger
To him we're be'Holden
For a translation that's golden
And a Caulfield who's raunchy and mad at ya!
"Untranslatable" meant nothing to the man
Who brought Finnegans Wake to Japan.
Yanase Japanized proper
James's jumbled jabber
To reJoyce the delighted [tout le monde] !
<<< Murakami Haruki 村上春樹 >>>
He is the great Japanese challenger
Who took on the pugnacious Salinger
To him we're be'Holden
For a translation that's golden
And a Caulfield who's raunchy and mad at ya!
"Untranslatable" meant nothing to the man
Who brought Finnegans Wake to Japan.
Yanase Japanized proper
James's jumbled jabber
To reJoyce the delighted [tout le monde] !
Hickory Dickory Dock,
The mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one, and down he run,
Hickory Dickory Dock!
(etc)
Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon,
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
To "Japan" (I think) also means to "Japanize".
and if so, the following scans better:
> Yanase Japanned proper
> James's jumbled jabber
3japan
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): ja·panned; ja·pan·ning
1 : to cover with or as if with a coat of japan
2 : to give a high gloss to
- ja·pan·ner noun
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke30.htm
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat.
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten.
