A doctor visited his patient in the hospital ward after the operation .
"I've got some bad news -- we amputated the wrong leg .
Now the good news -- the man in the next bed wants to buy your
slippers ."
149：A Unitarian Miracle and Other UU Jokes：2005/06/30(木) 02:20:16
Q: Have you heard the latest UU miracle?
A: Someone saw the face of Ralph Waldo Emerson on a tortilla.
Q: Why can't Unitarian Universalists sing very well in choirs?
A: Because they're always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next verse.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Unitarian Universalist with a Jehovah's Witness?
A: Somebody who comes knocking at your door for no apparent reason.
BAD JOKE DISCLAIMER: We recognize that religious humor can be risky. It is our hope that by laughing at ourselves (and others) we can make this subject more approachable. If you find any of these objectionable, we apologize. Many were posted on Beliefnet, some were passed along via email and others spotted on other websites. As with most jokes, the original authors are unknown -- but we thank them.
A farmer is milking his cow and as he is milking,a fly comes along and flies into the cow's ear.
A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer says, "Hmm. In one ear, out the udder."
Hey Jude, you're such a cad
Done a bad thing, can't make it better
That nanny, won't let her out of your heart
No way to start to make it better...
Hey Jude, a mess you made
Big price paid, you've lost Sienna
It's over, you've been a scoundrel, you know
Too late to go and make it better...
And now you say, you feel the shame
Hey Jude, no game..
You blew it, out there in old New Orleans
It's high time that you got burned, and also learned
Cold hard facts, like what "out the door" means..
Hey Jude, you broke love's law
Now you are, the sad regretter
It's finished, can't get her back in your heart
No way to start to make it better..
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Language is a virus.
The worm has the following cookie texts:
it is predictable, but I wouldn't like to predict it myself. - C. Lawson
100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
A friend in need is a pain in the ass.
A man is as old as he feels. But never as important.
A man is as old as the woman he feels.
Always be sincere - Even when you don't mean it.
Always tell her she's pretty, especially when she isn't.
Anyone who can see through a woman is missing a lot.
Avoid life - It'll kill you in the end.
Do to the other fellow as he would do unto you. But for God's sake do it first!
Experience, the name given by men to their mistakes.
Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
Happiness can't buy money.
If a woman wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
Join the army, travel the world, meet interesting people and shoot them.
Just because you're paranoid it doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Love Thy Neighbour - But don't get caught.
Money can't buy friends but it can buy a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination
Smoking - think of it as evolution in action.
Sudden prayers make God jump.
When faced with two evils I like to do the one I've never tried before. - Mae West
Live fast, Die young, Leave a good looking corpse.
A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.
Walk softly but carry a big stick.
TO DO IS TO BE - Socrates%TO BE IS TO DO - Sartre%DO BE DO BE DO - Sinatra
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. - Samual Clemmens
What you can not avoid, Welcome.
If you can't tie good knots... tie many.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Two wrongs do not make a right; it usually takes three or more.
＞ Another reason to neuter a male cat has to do with the physical appearance. A cat neutered prior to puberty (most cats are neutered at approximately age 6 months) do not develop secondary sex characteristics. These include a more muscular body, thickenings around the face called “shields,” and spines on the penis.
"All obscene puns have the same underlying construction in that they consist of two elements.
The first element sets the stage for the pun by offering seemingly harmless material, such as the title of a book, The Tiger's Revenge.
But the second element either is obscene in itself or renders the first element obscene as in the name of the author of The Tiger's Revenge--Claude Bawls."
