オカマ、小ちゃい頃から不安症だった。プロになってもっとストレスを感じるようになったんでどうにかしたかった。ネットでMDMAが効くって聞いたんで早速試した。飲み始めた当初は調子が良かった、が人に対する態度がどんどんデカくなってチームメイトがビビるくらいラリった。さらに被害妄想もするようになり、TLのスタッフの1人と対立した。I could kill youと連呼した後、ドアをぶん殴って上履きのまま街に逃亡した。
I grew up single mom working full time, I had issues growing up feeling like I didn't belong. I had too much energy, I annoyed kids they made fun of me.
I lived an unnatural life, too much fucking time indoors, I degenerated. I got huge anxiety issues where I didn't want to leave my home, depression where
I would not have myself at high regards. I went to psychologists, w.e. Didn't listen to them. I coped with competing in video games for a sense of achievement,
I got really good at moba games from playing dota, I played league. Went to the US, lived an unnatural lifestyle because I was competing still, never dealt with issues.
Then stress added on for various reasons that I don't want to cover, I wanted to try something drastic to help me change my life situation.
I read online that some people had been given microdosages of MDMA to help with depression, maybe anxiety also. Managed to find some to use to try that.
It happened to contain other stuff in it likely, something stronger. What I was told is that it may have been Methamphetamine added to it. I was fine at first, effects wore off overnight.
Played in scrims as usual, felt a little different for a few days. I started meditating, brought up very strong emotions, kind of slowly changed my behaviour until it fully hit me.
Then I began expressing myself in a very STRONG manner, I freaked my teammates out? Probably. I slowly started getting paranoid. I thought I was in danger in Team Liquid, a lot of bad things that made no sense.
At the end of that day of paranoia I confronted someone on the TL staff. DURING my state of paranoia / psychosis <<<< I thought he was being dishonest with me (but he was just in shock because I was acting like a madman) so I got verbally aggressive.
I started bullying this "someone" on the TL staff by saying "I could kill you" over and over until I slammed a door with my palm, and ran off into the city with my slippers on. PSYCHOSIS<<<<<<<< all of this was my fault, but it was a learning experience.
I'm grateful for everything. I apologized to this member through Skype, he said he understood? IIRC. I hope everything's fine
